As
much as I enjoyed the overall content of this lecture, the marriage and
cohabitation sections are not as applicable to me therefore; I will not be
discussing these for this entry.
The evolutionary and biological factors are
clearly dependent on social contact whether it is to adapt and protect oneself
from psychological and physical issues or induce the hormonal changes that
occur as a result. This is very relevant to me because my primary love language
(Chapman, 2010) is touch, which means that when I’m in physical contact with
people I care about (e.g hugs) I feel loved and give love; therefore, it could
suggest that my oxytocin levels might be quite high.
The qualities of a positive couple
relationship are easier for me to apply so be ready for the specifics. Of the
friendship, conflict and shared meaning dimension, I have perceived that the
former component is foundational in strengthening the latter two. The fondness
and admiration on that face value level is clearly strengthened by verbal
affirmations of gratitude (which are also suggested by Fredrickson, 2013).
Building on this and the verbal self-disclosure, I find that me
and my boyfriend are constantly encouraging and affirming of each other's presence through admiration of what we appreciate at the time. Also, I find
that we often have to keep tabs on each other when in social situations. So,
this may be displayed through constant eye contact or body language that
notifies our location in the room.
Seeing as I currently volunteer at Youthline and my boyfriend has volunteered at Lifeline, we find that we’re
often counselling each other and variably expressing Positive Sentiment
Override (where positive comments overtake the negative) during conflict
resolution. Seeing as POS is determined by love maps, conflict resolution
strategies and regular fondness and appreciations, both of our previous
relationships have lacked these variables, therefore, we have a greater need to
express and re-work them to improve the well-being of our
relationship. Our empathetic attunement towards one another is very strong
because our counselling backgrounds increases that empathetic drive by regulating
our ability to imagine what we’re thinking of the situation or each other
without becoming defensive (as the theory also suggests). These are guided and illustrated by
the shared meaning (support of each other’s careers, dreams and wishes) as we specifically
aim to help people whilst increasing that creative and flexible positivity that
is suggested by Fredrickson (2013) .
Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). Positive
emotions broaden and build. In E. Ashby Plant & P. G. Devine (Eds.), Advances
on Experimental Social Psychology, 47, 1-53. Burlington: Academic Press.
Gary Chapman (2010). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to
Love That Lasts. Northfield Press
